Bougie

Written at mile 369 – Wrightwood

Most days now, the desert shows me both sides of its coin. I am still having to balance and fight off dehydration. The day time heat lingers inside my muscles, burning my body from the inside, desperate to cool down. While at night, the desert freezes me to my core, aching for that nasty sun to come back. 

The irony of this trail is circling a lake for 10 miles, only to not have access to its delicious water. Dizzy with thirst and dreaming of downing a cold beverage while watching the shimmery blue hues play and roll with the slight breeze of the day. 

17 miles, the farthest I’ve done while on trail. Normally I’d be celebrating, but this sucked. A stinging hot heat encircled my body the entire day. It was so hard to cool down in the shade. During my lunch break, I sat at a muggle park drinking 2.5 L before I finally peed a very dark yellow urine.  These hot days have all my liquids disappearing through my pores and onto my shirt and shorts. 

As I “walked” into camp, I could feel my mood and wanted nothing more than to sleep and cool down. I said my good nights to the folks I had been hiking with, Una and Cricket (who were also exhausted from the heat), and found some actual solitude at a cowboy camping spot. Thank god. 

Three days later, we are met with freezing temps at night and during the day. The 30-40mph sustained winds caused wind burn on my face, despite it being covered. The 50mph gusts are strong enough to nudge you off trail. Spending extra energy on stabilizing is indeed a tiresome act. My muscles ache no longer from the heat and the dehydration, but now from hunkering down while making progress along the trail. 

At camp one night the wind was so bad, we quickly ate our dinners and spoke with our theater voices. We hastily ended our social time and got into our tents so we wouldn’t be cold and bothered by the howling creature. 

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The night before getting into Wrightwood, I looked around and was reminded of a constant that has become a normal part of my life, but at home would never be that same constant. Dirt. It is literally everywhere. I breathe it. It is in my fingernails. It coats my skin, making me look tanner than I am. I sleep in dirt. It is all over every piece of clothing and every piece of gear. It is in the food I eat. I’m not talking about dirt you’d find in a garden. I speak of desert dirt. The finest pulverized dirt you can imagine. Finer than any piece of sand, and smoother than any marble. I stopped noticing it because it becomes a part of me and those around me. 

Dirt isn’t the only constant. As I’ve alluded before, sweat is very prevalent out here. Sweating is another part of normal life out here. And, in the muggle world, when we sweat, we typically come in for a shower, and go about our day or night. What if you couldn’t “come in” to take a quick shower? What if you went 8+ days with sweating non-stop, without showering? That sweat does two things: first, it forms salt crystals on your clothing; then if you don’t launder your clothing, the salt continues to build up until your clothing becomes stiff and hard, literally like a rock. 

I’ve heard a rumor that in the mountains, certain animals are attracted to hiker clothing for its salt content. Not only do I need to protect my food from bears, but also my clothing from marmots and deer. We’ll see what animals I attract.

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My emotions are shifting. Both my mind and my body are expanding their understanding of love and kindness.

I have noticed that my mind/body connection have “released” emotions in a mixture of sadness/happiness/joy/homesickness every two weeks. The first time was a brief 2-3 minutes of expression. This past time was 20-30 minutes. 

Music for Psycedelic Therapy

I listen to this album every 9-12 months. I limit myself so I forget its power between each session. 

It is so important to mediate properly to this album. A blind fold, noise canceling headphones and turning off all notifications and distractions are paramount and requirements.  

The first 7 songs allow my mind and body to relax and sink into the meditation. All my thoughts come and go and eventually center. When they do, they become ghostly images of emotions. Love. Longing. Humans I miss. This is where my mind settles. 

With my mind and body aligned on emotions, they are comfortable to express them. They flow so easily through my mind and out my body. My emotions flow through my tears and out my breath. I feel them so strongly.  

Usually my biggest emotions come for my kids and Jenn. I see them smiling and memories of them overwhelm me. I want so badly to hug them for what feels like forever. I can see all the ways we have bonded over the years in a blink of an eye. 

I love you Caden. 

I love you Ian. 

I love you Jenn. 

I am so humble to have you in my life. I am proud of the people you are. You have shaped me in indescribable ways and I only hope to heaven that I have done the same for you. 

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Each town I am at, I make a “plan” for how I will hike to the next town. IE: when I was in Big Bear Lake, I planned how I would get to Wrightwood. This past stint is unique for the trail as it has two other (super small) towns along the way AND a potential vortex. I planned to do all that…and this tale starts at a hot cocoa shop in Big Bear Lake. 

At Emily’s hot cocoa shop in Big Bear Lake, while the worker was making my drink, I noticed a bookshelf full of trinkets and odd shelf-stable food items. Lo and behold, I started my journey of BOUGIE. I found and purchased: tuna pate, mackerel in olive oil, and smoked trout with dill and fennel. All in convenient tin containers like a sardine can. 

Across the street was a honey shop. I continued my bouginess and purchased wildflower honey sticks. I finalized my resupply with knickknacks from another store, including the first time I’d seen Famous Amos on trail. I didn’t need much as my first unofficial town (Cedar Glenn) was only two days away. 

In the night between Big Bear Lake and Cedar Glenn, I didn’t stay with my normal tramily. I stayed with brand new people. I quickly introduced myself to all these 20-something’s at the dinner circle. We all seemed to get along while they were fascinated by me being a cold soaker. One girl offered and made me hot chocolate. It was so nice to have as I hadn’t had any up to this point. Later in the evening, a few people from the circle got up to play hacky sak! When they did, the sun was setting and something in the hot chocolate girl’s hair caught my eye. “Is there a piece of tinsel in your hair?” “Yes.” “Oh, wow. Has that lasted this long on trail?” “Yes! Would you like some?” With a huge grin on my face I said “Yes!” This girl literally has been hiking with tinsel and tools to put it into people’s hair. Let me tell you something: tinsel in your hair is BOUGIE. I felt so pretty, and cared for. As I write this a week later, I still have two strands hanging on for dear life. 

Cedar Glenn is fine. Ok, it’s actually a fairly upscale and very quiet mountain town. It’s the first town that makes me want to purchase a house. While I can see the appeal of hiking there, I wouldn’t do it again. It has a very steep incline of a road walk to get to town. While there, I resupplied with enough frozen burritos to get me to the second unofficial town (Cajon Pass). And, to keep it bougie, I packed out a burger. 

Well, one day after Cedar Glenn is a vortex. The Hot Springs. These hot springs are for sure in the middle of nowhere. It’s a very exposed set of miles that follows a canyon river far below. Eventually the trail leads you down to the river where the hot springs are. 

Disclaimer: these hot springs are “clothing optional.” I took the option! But if you are a co-worker reading this, sadly, I did not take the option. 

I arrived early at 9am. Not too many people. Lots of locals come to these hot springs as there is a dirt road a few miles away. There are four pools to soak in. Each pool is a different temperature, dictated by the water flowing out of the earth and down the rocks, into them. 

Most people were hanging out in three of the four pools. I did as well and chatted with a local and a few hikers. Eventually, the heat of the water and the exposed sun made me seek cooler waters. I found the fourth pool to be unoccupied and shaded. It was far cooler and around some boulders and trees, away from the crowds. It was perfect for me. I meditated to the sounds of birds, the fall of spring water into the pool, and the slightest trickle of wind against the shade providing leaves and grasses. I felt the middle of my brain melt and relax away the stress of the trail. 

This was my vortex. This was dangerous. I left at 11am, satisfied with my stay at the hot springs. They made me feel very bougie!

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The night after the hot springs, I met two new characters. Well, I should preface this by saying, I’ve been hearing about these characters since week 2. They’ve always alluded me. I was just behind or ahead of them…but never seeing them. I was a little star struck to have met and talked with them. Little did I know I’d be camping with them every night until Wrightwood. 

Mama Duck and Jacob. They are producing a documentary of the PCT wildlife. You can see their channel here. 

Mama Duck (trail name), has been a professor at a local liberal arts college for a long, long time. For years, the school has provided him funding to take students on the PCT to do environmental experiments over certain sections. Amongst many things, they count wildlife, noting their increase or decline over time; they take temperature readings and compare from year to year; they notice animal behaviors during certain times of the year; etc. 

The funding got severely cut this year, so instead of doing smaller portions of the PCT, Mama Duck has just enough funding to bring himself and a videographer for the entirety of the trail. They are documenting and creating YouTube videos in hopes of bringing awareness to the wildlife along the PCT. 

For me, it is incredibly humbling to watch them work. Mostly because they are doing the same, or more miles than I, AND stopping for long periods of time to video a rare bird, lizard, or other creature, AND editing their videos, AND carrying an extra 15lbs of gear EACH! Jacob is the star with his very large 7lb lens/camera, while Mama Duck has to lug around the unsexy batteries/laptop/microphones. 

It has been an absolute joy being in their presence. They are so passionate about their work and it is electric to absorb. I encourage you all to check out their videos. They are an excellent source of what types of landscapes, plants, and wildlife we are experiencing along the trail. 

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There’s no better way for me to end a bougie post, than to talk about the bougiest of bougie things. 

Cajon Pass is famous along the trail because it provides a McD’s directly on trail. Yes. The Golden Arches are an exciting place for all. 

For me, I loaded up on their Big Breakfast. It is of course, 2 pancakes, 2 scrambled edges, 2 pieces of bacon, and an English muffin. I lifted my pinky as I drank my lemonade and raised an eyebrow with each knife cut of my meal.

Across the street from McD’s was a fruit vendor. I ordered his largest offering and opted for all the fixings: salt, Tajin, and Chamoy. I felt very bougie eating every lick of watermelon, cantaloupe, mango, cucumber, jicama, and pineapple.

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Pepperidge Farms

1. Manatauk – delicious chocolate chip cookie. Standard issue. 
2. Nantucket – the Manatauk, with “strong” sea salt. My favorite of the two. 
3. Milano – lemon and white chocolate. While I do like these, I feel the white chocolate takes away and mutes the lemon. Though the white chocolate brings a bit of moisture. I would prefer a standard lemon cookie. 
4. Tahoe – white chocolate macadamia – I love this cookie. It’s not overwhelming, which means it asks me to eat more. 
5. Chessman – butter – I love these as well. I’m drawn to the designs in each, while they are obviously a wonderful way to get my daily butter intake.