The bleeding and puss is still coming out of my site.
I have my site covered with the widest bandaid possible. It has been a staple of my life for the last 30 days. Each day, I clean my site with Dr. Bonner’s soap, let it air dry, and then put on a fresh wide bandaid. This is the exact procedure each of my 3 doctors told me to do.
* 2 different clinic doctors in Bishop, CA
* 1 independent urgent care doctor in Fresno, CA
When I talk about changing my bandage, I should be more specific. Each night, I look at my bandage and notice it is soaked through. The mixture of the yellowish/brownish puss and the fresh or coagulated blood on the pad doesn’t bother me. There is so much overflow fluid, I really notice it on the inside of my shorts. You can’t tell from the outside of the shorts, but the inside looks like a warzone. I never expect it to get clean when I do laundry, and yet it simply washes out.
30 days of this. Each day I go to remove my old bandage, I hope. I hope for my bandage to be less soaked than the day before. Some days my hopes are elevated, other days they are drowned away.
I watched as one testosterone pellet seemingly oozed its way out of my body. Long, skinny, and without pain, the pellet drooped onto my skin, asking me to pick it up. I did. It is very hard, like a rock. I kept it as a souvenir. Before I put on my bandage that day, I looked a little closer at the site. There was a second pellet, turtling. It poked it’s little head out, eyeing the new world it was being born into. The next day, the second pellet slid out and laid on my skin like the first.
When I hike, I can feel my site ripping open. It feels like a scab is being slowly scratched off. When I hike, I am clearly not healing.
Let’s do an exercise. I want you to hold your hands together. It should look like you’re doing a little prayer. Now, slowly separate your fingers from the tips down to the knuckles. Good. Do the opposite by slowly joining your hands/fingers back into the prayer. Now you also can feel what my site feels like. When I hike, it rips open. When I am in town, it slowly heals, but not enough to be strong for hiking. I need real healing. I need low-activity, comfort, and access to civilization.
I am leaving the trail and not coming back.
Yes, I am sad about this decision, and I know it’s right.
I am at peace with what I have done on this trail. This was about having an experience, and I had one in spades. I will never be able to replicate this experience, and I like that. You can not replicate the weather, the people, and the physical hiking I endured for 3 months.
I have said my good-byes to the folks on the trail. I have said good-bye to the mountains, streams, and lakes. I have said good-bye to the former vagabond life I was living.
Now it is time to heal.
Thank you for bringing us along on the journey, mate. I am grateful for your entire experience, second-hand. I know you’ve got a lot of folks thrilled to see you again and I’m especially looking forward to swapping stories when next our paths cross.
Your journey has been an adventure of one kind or another from the beginning. This part isn’t one any of us hoped you would have, but, as always, you’ve handled it with courage and strength. I’m glad you were able to experience so much wonder and beauty … and I’m grateful beyond words that you were able to be realistic about the needs of your body and come home so you could heal. ❤️🩹
I’m glad you are taking care of yourself! What an adventure! This is the time for some that radical acceptance of what is. I hope you look back on this trip with fondness, you have accomplished a lot and have experienced things that most people will never even attempt!
Thank you for sharing this trip. I know that it was an incredible journey. I am glad that you are safe.
Oh, wow! What an adventure it’s been for you and what steady strength you have in trusting yourself to know what needs to be done. Now go heal up and see what’s next for you!
It’s been amazing to follow you on your journey my man! Super proud of you for even embarking this incredible feat. I don’t know anyone else that has done anything like this, and for what it’s worth, telling it has saved me in many awkward small talk type convos. Glad you’re doing what you need to, and can’t wait to catch up once you’re ready. ❤️
Definitely sounds like the right decision. It is not worth the risk to your health to continue, I am glad you are safe. Thank you for sharing all of the beautiful photos and stories with us during your journey. The team will be looking forward to having you back and hearing about more stories during our chats.
It was fantastic to follow along and I’m glad that you’re prioritizing your health/healing. Thank you for taking so many of us along on your adventure.
What an phenomenal/stupendous accomplishment! What you’ve done is something very few people could ever say they’ve achieved. I’m so proud of everything you were able to accomplish throughout this journey. I’m also glad you’re choosing to listen to your body. You’re body is a temple, and taking care of it is just as important as chasing your dreams. Wishing you a full recovery—I know this is one amazing chapter in your book of Life.